a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
