i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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