Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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