I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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