Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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