you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
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She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
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You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
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