Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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