Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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