He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
