when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
How's work?
Spinning.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
