Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
