You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
