Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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