There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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