ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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