I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
