Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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