remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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