This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
