Pants 0. Shit 1.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
