Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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