Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
