I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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