took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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