The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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