I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
