Just fell off a train. Bad.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
