so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
