I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
