Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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