yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
