i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
