I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
