Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
