I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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