I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
