My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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