Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
