another moral hangover. fuck.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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