is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
The dick lei will go down in squad history
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
