dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
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He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
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You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
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