I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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