Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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