i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
