it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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