Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
