I just threw up on my dentist
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
