Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
