Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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