I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Randomize
