He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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