You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
