No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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