I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
