I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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