My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
