woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
COCAINE IS GR8
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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