am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Randomize
