i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
