We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
