I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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