As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
She bit a glass in half.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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