If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
