I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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