but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
