It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
