We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
