Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
