After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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