there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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