The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
It's blow job season.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
