waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
