We won't sleep together?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize