I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
