Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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