The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
